Dreams...

Hey ladies and gentlemen... wut gives?...
I'm aight here... Just woke up from a dream wit... well, u know who... and surprisingly, I'm ok. No tears, no heartaches, no nothing... Well, I guess I've come a long ass way already, so I just learned how to deal with pain.
The dream I had wasn't all that though, it was pretty short and simple, which is good. I just was hangin out by a mall and saw her and her boyfriend hangin out too...ok, doin sumtin more than hangin out... =p Anyways, after all that talk about how I'd feel happy for her to find a new love and all, it turns out it ain't just talk. I really feel good about it. I don't feel great, but then again no one who sees the one they love with someone else feels great, but the thought that she's better that way and that he's treating her so well helps a lot. Ok, the 1st day wasn't that easy, I was feelin terrible! But I just had to face the truth, you know wut I'm sayin? It's not like I'm gonna be with her ever again... I really wanna, but as days go by, that seems to get impossible... I believe the world takes many turns and that wut's meant to be will be, so if we're meant to be, we'll be together again. If were not... oh well, I guess I'm just S.O.L.! =p
I didn't wanna talk about this cuz, I mean, from her boyfriend's point of view, havin another guy who likes your girl can't be comfortable... but then again, it's not like I'm part of their life anyways. I just gotta walk away and give them a chance to be happy. I really hope they take it. It seems like they are and they trully deserve it. She trully deserves it!!
Hell, I should do the same! But I am... this is me. It's not like I ain't happy. I still go out, I still have fun, I still check out girls... I'm sensitive and all, but that's just my way of dealin with stuff. I mean, if I saw a friend of mine goin thru sumtin like I am, I'd be like "Don't feel like that, someone else'll come along, blah blah blah..."... "While you're cryin, no one can fall in love with your beautiful smile, bla blah blah..." Of course I would! I want to see people happy! And of course they say that too, they wanna see me happy! But I am... not utterly and fully happy, but I am happy... I have to be! They say I shouldn't feel guilty. I know that, but it's not like I can help it. I realized it too late though. Everyday I wish that somehow she was with me again... not happening. It's cool... at least she may have found the love of her life just because of that! At least I'm guilty of something!
Life is made of meeting and havin to leave people... Like I said, life takes many turns too... She may not be the one for me, you say. How do I know that? If we liked each other so much, how did she get over it and I didn't? If I believe that when it's real, it's forever, then why didn't this last forever?I don't really have the answer to that... but how do I know she could be the one?... I just feel it... been feelin it... deep inside... You see, when you live your life, you always think you're great until you find your other half. When you find her/him, you realize you weren't complete that whole time, and the now you are. You complete each other and you wonder how you could ever have lived apart. But if something happens and you have to follow different paths in life, you'll feel like half a person again. And that's really bad, cuz now that you know how it feels to be whole, you won't feel good until your back with your half and complete again. That's life and love...
I'll stay open to other options though. Like a kid I know very well said once "we all have crushes during our lifetime, big ones, small ones, phyisical ones, all that..." =p I'm down for that, I'm just waiting for someone who can actually sweep me off my feet. Hard to do, but then again, nothing is impossible... My life isn't brilliant, but my love is pure... =)
I don't really talk about this kind of stuff with anyone, I just write them down. It's easier to share that way. Of course it means more when you talk. It's all good though, I have friends who I know will always be there for me whenever I wanna pour my heart out. And you, my friends, I'll always be here for you too, but you know that =)
I'm out for now peeps. PEACE!